


sorry for the things i said

by aqakita



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lesbian AU, cisgirl au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqakita/pseuds/aqakita
Summary: this is another kind of songfic, based loosely off of Wendy by Richie Woods.Detox sends Roxxxy a drunk text telling her how much she loves her and worries that she might have ruined everything.





	sorry for the things i said

It had been a weird night. Detox, vodka drunk and worn out, found herself slumped down by Alaska on the stained nightclub sofa, head spinning and heart racing. The pair of them were barely hanging on by this point, consciousness messy and thoughts watery and impulsive. In the hazy 4.30am raised lights, they were unceremoniously kicked out by the bouncers - it was closing time. Sensibly, they shared a cab, Detox paying her half as it pulled up and she bid farewell to her friend.

The night had felt oddly lonely. While she had come out with friends, a group which over the hours dwindled down to two thirds of Rolaskatox, she found herself longing a little for the missing piece. Roxxxy couldn’t make it that night, housebound by the curse of a cold. She said on the phone that she didn’t want to spread it, or drink too much and end up feeling worse. There was a heart sinking sort of feeling when she made a rain check.

Sprawling across her sofa, lazily kicking off her shoes over the arm, she groaned. Her head was spinning, and being this wasted alone wasn’t the most fun. For a while, she scrolled through her phone, considering calling someone over, before realizing that no one would come out at this time. Like her, they’d all have gone home. But after sifting through her contacts, her thumb lingered over Roxxxy’s number. Something in her screamed at her to call her.

Against any rational thought regarding how inappropriate calling at this time was, she waited on a response. Unsurprisingly, it rung through to voicemail. She found herself oddly frustrated with that, apparently enough to call another few times - thank God that people could have their phones on silent. Only on the fourth call did she leave a voicemail, a drunk, rambly five minute speech about how she missed her and how she hopes she feels better soon and about how she herself was going to feel worse than her in the morning.

-

That was all Detox could remember from that night, until she roused to her phone going off at 11am with a noisy alert, followed promptly by another, then an entourage of sound, because her Do Not Disturb had turned off. Why she’d set it to full volume, she didn’t know, but the pain that shot through her hungover head made her hate herself for it. Whatever it was could wait until she felt a little better. When she finally moved from her place on the couch, and had shuffled through to the living room to make a fry up, she tried to rack her brain for what had happened while she was out. Nothing significant came to mind, and she went about her Saturday morning normally.

By the time she picked up her phone, she’d completely forgotten that it was notifications that woke her up. She felt a lot less rough, and her headache was subsiding with the aid of painkillers, so the light of her screen wasn’t as blinding as she expected it to be. Two missed calls from Alaska, a text from Alaska, a bunch of twitter notifications, and two new texts from Roxxxy. They weren’t displayed in the preview, and she assumed that it would just be complaints for phoning her.  
It was worse than that.

As soon as she opened it, she was confronted with two short messages from the other woman, and a massive, poorly typed paragraph from herself.  
D: hey baby!!!!!!!!!!! i know youre sleeping and you’re not well and i hope you get better. I really missed you all night. it was shitty just being with alaska i was BORED. Actually its kinda just shitty when youre not around bc i miss you a lot. Like a whole lot. You know you mean everything to me youre the best and i love you so much and i wish you were here on the couch w/ me or in my bed or anything i just wish you were here. Youre the closest person i have you cant be just a friend and i just love you so fucking much.  
She didn’t have to read Roxxxy’s texts to start feeling bad, she absolutely despised herself for that.

What she’d said wasn’t untrue, but were instead thoughts she’d tried to keep under lock and key. She’d flirted around the idea that she had feelings for the woman, but never got too hung up on it. A few times she’d talked it over with Alaska, but made the decision that it would be too big a risk on the friendship. While Roxxxy had been affectionate with her, and she was sure she’d seen a few indications something might be there, she hated the idea of coming clean and ruining everything. And yet, here she was, staring down at her own demise.

R: thats sweet x  
R: sorry, i know that wasnt much of a reply. will talk about it later. x

Putting her phone down, she sighed, holding her head in her hands for a moment. It wasn’t a total rejection; it wasn’t an attack on her over it. But the messages were short and she weaseled away from talking about it. Maybe it was just because she had a cold? Detox knew that wasn’t it, because she’d been talkative in texts the last few days. It occurred to her to at least tell Alaska about what happened - she might have some advice.

She had already sent a text.  
A: you really told roxxxy how you felt?  
There was a benefit to her having been told by the other party - she would know what she said about it.  
D: yeah. Did she tell you?  
A: yeah she did. she’s kinda freaked out about it  
A: i just told her you were wasted and you probably didnt mean it. then she seemed upset so i dont know if i made things worse  
D: fuck sake. Thanks for trying to help though i know youre probably feelin fucked up rn

Putting her phone down again, Detox now had to think of what the sensible thing to do was. Giving Roxxxy space was one thing, because dogging at her about it would only make the situation worse. Trying to explain herself wouldn’t work out well either, because then she’d run the risk of sounding insincere. Her headache was coming back from the stress. For the day, she retired herself to her room, mulling things over.

-

It wasn’t until a full week had passed that Detox had any contact with Roxxxy. They’d not seen each other in person, and though she’d written a few texts out, she deleted them as soon as she went to send them. She couldn’t mess things up more; she didn’t want to take that risk. When her phone went off, she could barely be bothered to check it, lying flat out on the sheets and watching the ceiling. It was a friday afternoon and so it was probably just Alaska.

Curiosity eventually got the best of her, and she checked it. The text was from Roxxxy. At first, she was hesitant to read it, let alone reply, but she couldn’t wait on this forever.  
R: better now if you want to come see me. not coming out tonight if alaska’s asked though x  
D: will come in a couple hours, not even dressed yet x  
This could be promising. Detox didn’t expect things to be completely comfortable, but she could make the inference that this meant she wasn’t mad at her, and that she wasn’t scared off.

When she arrived at Roxxxy’s house, she found herself dithering at the doorbell, a doubtfulness in her head about going in. Never in her whole time of knowing her had she felt nervous to see her, and the sensation was so alien. If she’d not made the mistake of sending that text, then she wouldn’t be feeling this way. She swore she could see her finger trembling as she pressed the bell, and she felt her stomach twist when the door opened. Swallowing hard, Detox kept it together well enough, greeting her with a hug before she came in. That was a good sign.

The living room was perfumed by a lavender air freshener, and it seemed she’d gone all out on tidying the house up since she’d gotten better. She’d already set out a couple of cans of coke on the coffee table, which she gestured to as they sat down together. A silence lingered briefly, like they were unsure of the right way to even start this conversation, or if they were going to have it at all.

Clasping her hands together, Roxxxy started, “I’m sorry about the way I responded. I should’ve answered at least a little more sensitively.”  
“No, it’s not your fault,” Detox countered, “I shouldn’t have sent you that. It was a lot at once and I’m sorry that… I’m sorry that I said I loved you?”  
“Don’t be sorry. When I read it, I was just surprised. I was also a little angry, because I seen the missed calls and I thought something happened to you. I did listen to the voicemail and I honestly couldn’t understand what you were saying. Then I seen the text and was annoyed that you’d got me so worried.”

Laughing a little, the caller shifted in her seat, glancing up with a guilt to her gaze. Now she was sober, she could definitely see how that would be worrying. Roxxxy reached over to rest a hand on her knee, a gesture that she hoped would be comforting.  
“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it.”  
“Really?”  
“Obviously. I didn’t think I was subtle. I know Alaska, and others have called us both out on it. You’re sweet, even if you’re kind of crude, and you’ve always been there for me. But I’m not sure how I feel about…”  
They both sighed, and Detox reassured, “We don’t have to do anything about it, not if you don’t want to, or if you’re uncomfortable with it.”  
“It’s not that, and I know it’s bad to worry about this before anything comes of it but, I’m just scared of what would happen if things ended badly.”

Moving closer, Roxxxy huffed slightly, leaning her head on the other woman’s shoulder. There was an intimacy between them that she couldn’t bear to lose. This was her closest friend, her biggest comfort in the world and one of the few people who had the patience to put up with her. She felt Detox rest a hand over top her own, before seizing it in a light hold. Glancing up, she couldn’t help but tease, “Your palms are sweaty.”  
“That’s because you’ve made me nervous, bitch.”  
Laughing a little, she squeezed, offering, “Without labels. We can see how this goes, without labels attached. And don’t tell anyone, even Alaska, until we know what we know that we’re ready.”  
“Deal.”

-

A few weeks in, and they’d settled into a sort of routine with each other. Regular meetups, overnight stays, and they still kept things on the low. Hiding everything had its difficulties though, especially on nights out when they were stuck to each other’s sides like rats to a glue trap. Plus, under the influence, they had less restraint and less consideration of how sitting on someone’s lap could be construed as romantic. Kissing each other, even more so. But, they elected to hedge and deny it for a while.

At Roxxxy’s again, they lay sprawled out over the soft cotton sheets in the dim light of the lamp, and the low illumination of the TV. The speakers spilled the whispers of dialogue between characters on the low budget movie they’d left on. Late spring brought about a lingering warmth, one that hung heavy on the air like a weighted blanket. Detox traced a nail over the exposed skin of the brunette’s stomach, and smirked as she heard the sharp inhale of surprise.

They’d been here an hour now, a comfortable stasis interrupted only by the occasional wriggle. The crinkle of the bedsheets rose above the drawl of the television as Detox moved to lie up against her side, head comfortable against Roxxxy’s chest. Notes of vanilla from her perfume, muted slightly by the salinity of sweat from the warmer weather, filled her senses as she nuzzled against her. Against her ear was the rhythmic thump of her heart, and the hushed sound of her breathing. Until a hand found its way into her hair, she was absolutely convinced that Roxxxy was asleep.

When the TV timed out, they found themselves smothered by a soothing silence. There wasn’t much need for talk, and as the clock dictated in its blinding red font, it was probably time for them to sleep. 2AM on a Friday night was something so different such a short while ago, and though getting wasted in a club was fun, neither of them particularly missed it.  
After a prolonged absence of speech, it was Roxxxy who broke the stillness.  
“…I’m ready now, if you are.”  
“I’m more than ready.”


End file.
